How Can I Last Longer In Bed?
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How to last longer in bedThis method is the only one which will help you control your premature ejaculation and last longer in bed. (It's used by professional sex therapists.) The principles are easy to explain, and the even better thing is that these ideas are easy to put into practice as well! You start by learning to recognize when you are about to ejaculate. You may think that you already know this - and of course you do, but the point is that you don't know soon enough: when men ejaculate prematurely, it's usually because their orgasm is on them before they know it. That's why they can't last longer in bed. By learning to recognize much sooner how near to orgasm you are, you can slow the process down and allow your body to relax. And once you have learnt to recognize the sensations you feel in the moments before you come, you can always ensure that you keep your arousal below the point where your ejaculation becomes inevitable. So, for example, when you're having sex, and you feel yourself approaching the point at which you know you're going to ejaculate, you slow down or stop thrusting: this lowers your arousal. You might even withdraw from your partner's vagina for a few moments. Very soon your arousal drops and you can begin thrusting again. You repeat this process in a way that rapidly builds up your ability to tolerate sexual stimulation so you don't come before you want to. The full method which shows you exactly how to last longer in bed is described here. Click on this link for full details of how to control your premature ejaculation. The first thing to do is to tune into your body. You need to be more aware of your level of arousal and to know how what it feels like as you approach the point of ejaculatory inevitability - that's the "point of no return" where you will ejaculate, no matter what happens next. Sexual arousal goes through four phases: excitement (or arousal), the plateau stage, orgasm and ejaculation, and resolution. In the arousal stage, your erection develops. In the plateau stage, you feel highly aroused, your erection is hard and full, and you know you are at a height of sexual excitement. Reaching a certain point in your increasing arousal triggers your orgasm and ejaculation. After you've come, the resolution phase sets in and your erection goes down and your breathing returns to normal. You need to be aware of your position on every stage of these four phases; once you are aware of how aroused you are, it's quite easy to make small adjustments during sex which keep you on the correct side of the point of no return - at least until you choose to go over it! There are many ways you can help yourself learn ejaculatory control: Don't use drugs or alcohol - they don't help you keep the self-awareness you need Focus on your whole body, not your penis alone. Though you may think your penis is the only source of your pleasure during sex, it isn't, and the more you focus on it alone, the more tense you will become. As you get more tense, your body begins to prepare to release that tension through an ejaculation - unfortunately, your body usually decides to release it before you want it to! Therefore, stay relaxed, and keep your awareness moving around your body. Breathing deeply is a very good way to stay relaxed. During sex your breathing naturally becomes deeper and slower - this dispels some tension, and stops you on your headlong flight to ejaculation. Unfortunately, many men fight the natural tendency of their body to breath deeply and engage in little shallow breaths (often with suitable moans of pleasure to accompany them). Don't do this - let it all come naturally, and you may well be surprised how much longer you last and how much more control you achieve. Learn to accept stimulation of your penis without ejaculating. This will build up your ability to stay aroused without coming too soon. The first thing you have to do to make this happen is to masturbate (with or without your partner). You start by masturbating with a dry hand until you are on the verge of orgasm, then you relax and slow down your masturbation until your arousal has dropped to the point where there is no danger of you ejaculating but you can remain highly aroused. Repeat this several times over a few weeks. Then move on to masturbation with a lubricant such as oil or saliva. Sexually this is more exciting, so you may find you need to adjust the amount of self-stimulation you need to stay on the correct side of the point of no return. Masturbate until you approach this point, then back off - but keep yourself highly aroused. Slow stroking should do it. Resist the temptation to ejaculate! When you can identify the sensations and feelings which mean your body is approaching orgasm, you then increase the stimulation you are getting by having sex with a partner. At first, allow her to masturbate you towards the point of no return, but tell her when to stop so that you don't go over the edge. Allow her to keep you aroused but without ejaculating - and repeat this as often as you need until you have good control. Then you can repeat the experience, but this time instead of using her hand, rub your penis between her vulval lips. To reiterate, the instructions for this process as summarized here are not detailed enough to give you an insight into every aspect of the process. So head over to this website where you will find every detail laid out with photos to illustrate exactly what to do. Anyhow, I'm sure you can see where this is heading: one you have mastered control at that level, you move on to doing exactly the same process with oral sex. And then when you have mastered your ejaculation control during oral sex, you penetrate her and do the same exercise within her vagina. Now that you are more sensitive to your level of excitement, you can control how fast or slowly you move towards orgasm and ejaculation by slowing down or speeding up your rate of thrusting. For example, you might choose to stop thrusting altogether, and rest while your arousal drops. Or you might give your partner oral sex while you wait for your body to move away from your orgasm. In the photos I've reproduced below, the woman is masturbating the guy to the edge of orgasm until he tells her to stop - then she pauses and allows him to "cool off", as it were, until he isn't in danger of coming. Then she begins to masturbate him again. This is actually rather a quick way of learning how to last longer. The website mentioned above, from where these photos are taken, also has a lot of information on how to make things fun and enjoyable while you learn about ejaculation control. Best of all, it describes how you can satisfy your partner even if you have premature ejaculation at the moment. This guarantees a happy sex life regardless of whether you can last two minutes or twenty right now.
Some other suggestions to gain greater control of your ejaculation Man on top is a great sex position for most men, but it contributes to a lot of bodily tension. You'll recall from above that this does not help you to last longer! Try woman top sex positions or side by side positions for greater control. Make as much noise as you want during sex. Letting sounds out in a genuine way (rather than pretending to moan with pleasure) can release tension and help you to last longer. Don't get hung up about any unwanted ejaculations that happen as you learn greater control. They're going to happen. You're looking for steady forward progress even if there is the occasional unwanted spurt! Don't use penile desensitizing creams - they are exactly the opposite of what you need, which is something to make you more aware of your bodily sensations as you move towards intercourse. Such creams do not help you to learn how to last longer. They just numb your penis and make you feel little of the pleasure, and then you end up with no more control when you stop using them than you had when you started. Make sure your partner's needs are met - and as you focus on her pleasure, you may find that you begin to last longer. Women generally want long-lasting whole body massage, kissing and fondling. A man generally wants to put his penis in her vagina and thrust until he comes - a short, sharp, shock approach to sex! When you begin to spread your attention out across the whole of your body and hers, you find that the pressure to perform which a rushed session of lovemaking will put on your penis has largely dissipated, and you may well last longer because of it. Get into the whole sexual experience. An erect penis might mean your body is ready, but it doesn't necessarily mean you are emotionally ready for sex. You may actually need to get yourself more aroused so that you have more enthusiasm for the sex act. Low arousal will tend to lead to a "get it over quick" attitude, a lack of effort and motivation to control the speed of your ejaculation, and a disappointing orgasm. One good way to get really aroused is to enjoy massage, kissing, cuddling, and gentle intimacy. Anything that gets your partner aroused will probably get you aroused, because nothing seems to excite a man like the sight of a horny woman (especially if he's responsible for getting her horny!) So spend lots of time on foreplay with your partner. And oral sex on a woman is often a good way for a man to get his own arousal up to the point where he can feel really enthusiastic about sex. Though you may be more aroused, you may also be more motivated to control your ejaculation. Sounds like a paradox, but makes perfect sense. Learn some good sex techniques. There are plenty of places where you can learn to improve your sexual technique. Learn a little about her G spot, for example, and how to stimulate it. The results are often amazing! Learn how to give good oral sex, and how to massage her vagina and vulva. Kissing is an art form in itself and most women regard it as really romantic. And, interestingly, the best techniques that I found for stimulating my girlfriend's G spot also helped me to control my premature ejaculation more easily. You can read about them more fully in these books: Extended Sexual Orgasm by Alan and Donna Brauer and A Beginner's Guide to Tantric Sexuality by Richard Craze. |
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