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Question from the sex advice forums:
How
can a man control his ejaculation?
I don't even look forward to having sex because I'm so self-conscious
about coming so fast. In fact, I have begun to avoid dating because
I'm afraid that eventually things will become intimate and "she"
will expect sex...only to be disappointed. It's totally embarrassing. At
this point I would gladly forgo any orgasms of my own if I could go long
enough to please my partner. I can masturbate for hours without
ejaculating, but only seconds during the real thing. Please, any help would be greatly appreciated.
Answers (each new paragraph is a new answer):
Try going until almost the point of ejaculation, stop, then wait a minute or
two and continue do this a few times. It will help you develop a longer
sex session. By stopping and starting you will be able to handle the higher levels of sensation.
Talk about it with your girl first.
To control premature ejaculation I suggest a method called the
"squeeze" technique, it is a method of gripping your penis
during an erection so that you lose your erection, and have to start all
over again. This can be done alone, to train yourself to go longer, or if
you believe it is an anxiety issue, can be done with your girlfriend
present with you playing with her. And if she doesn't have
a problem with it, how about just going more than once?
I agree, premature ejaculation can
actually start to deter you from creating meaningful relationships-- like
a snow ball effect. Loss of self-confidence has a major role in
sexual performance. You need to control your premature ejaculation before you
get confident - once you feel confident, you can go on for longer.
Hmmm....sounds like Catch 22.
It's a common
problem but there is no common solution! I doubt any of the above
suggestions would control it. However, there are a few prescription solution
that your doctor can provide. The most useful is taking a small dose of
antidepressants. These drugs often have the side effect of delaying
ejaculation sometimes to the point of being unable to finish (which
frustrates users). You can just adjust the dose till you find a happy
medium. This solution has been shown to work in a large number of men.
Taking viagra has been successful for some men. So that is another
alternative. Even if you ejaculate fast you can still get hard again in a
short time and try again. An other alternative is a prescription drug
called paroxetine (might be its generic name) [20mg] that works combined
with viagra [50mg]. It works in 80% of cases so far. It improved most men's
ejaculation times from about 30 seconds to 5 minutes.
The drug Paroxetine that you
mentioned is another name for the antidepressant drug Seroxat. This is
very similar to Prozac. I
don't think that you should be filling yourself full of drugs with
potential side-effects - and antidepressants have many - as a solution to
this problem. Find the cause rather than just treating the symptoms and
you will find a solution.
It is pretty common for a man to
have premature ejaculation during his first encounter or two with a new
partner...especially in the early stages of his dating career. It takes
time and practice to mature in the bedroom. (Sometimes I even wonder if
many of the guys who never seem to be able to commit to one partner, might
not just be guys who never matured their technique enough to be confident
with the same woman.) Anyway...you have to understand that total lovemaking is not merely the act of sexual intercourse. If you have a problem
with premature ejaculation before your partner has been pleasured then
you just have to make sure that you pleasure her in other ways, before you
get inside and ejaculate. Maybe the idea that she
has already been pleasured will take the stress off your mind, so that
you can relax and enjoy a longer time inside her. If not, that will
still be all right because she's already been taken care of, and she will
probably get a thrill out of your quick burst of passion anyway!
Premature ejaculation is the most common sexual complaint. Of course any man
will go off too soon if he is excited enough. But premature ejaculation is
characterized by the constant inability to hold off. No one knows why this
happens. Some speculate it's hypersensitive nerves, an over-sensitive penis,
or some chemical imbalance. What is clear is that it doesn't usually clear
up by itself, it's hard to control, and it can become quite debilitating. I know drugs always
seem like the last thing you want to deal with. But, so far as I know,
there are no other viable alternatives.
I have always been a fairly rapid
ejaculator. I could last a long time
with masturbation and foreplay but when it came to intercourse I had to
really work to control myself. Frankly it was a real
downside to intercourse. Now I think that when I was on top
the muscles in my groin and butt were very tense and that caused an
immediate sensation that I wanted to ejaculate. I had to fight against
that feeling constantly. So I think it's some kind of muscle thing perhaps
that puts pressure on your penis and/or prostate and causes a sensation of
over-stimulation. I could be in my wife and not moving and still feel that
pressure to ejaculate very soon. Any kind of thrusting made it very hard
to wait. Being on the bottom was definitely better because that feeling
wasn't as strong.
If you can make it to insertion, you're doing better than one of my
ex-b/f's. He couldn't control his ejaculation before he entered me! Have you tried Ginseng &
Ginkgo? They boost stamina and some
guys think they delay ejaculation.
I had this
problem when I was younger. The only way I could control it was to use a really
thick condom. Give it a try, and remember, when you feel you need to
"take a break", it's the perfect time to do "other
things" to satisfy your girl. You are young, don't put pressure on
yourself for nothing.
Sounds like performance anxiety is causing your premature ejaculation.
Take a look at your wish to last for a real long time, and then relax that
high standard of yours! I read a medical journal and the average duration
before male orgasm is about 6 minutes. So stop thinking you're better off
alone if you can't last
two hours before orgasm. Other tips: Try a
lidocaine topical ointment (like dentists use before a shot) or some other
numbing ointment to help lower the intense pleasure sensations and control
yourself. Better
yet, talk to your partner and let her know that you will have a quick ejaculation
on your first shot and your second will take a lot longer: let her
decide how long she wants to play with you. Also give yourself time and
offer her foreplay first. If you focus more on her pleasure than yours, it
may help you as well. Lastly, no one is perfect in bed the first time and
every time. I'm sure even James Bond has had a premature ejaculation now and
then, i.e. don't be so afraid of failure, it means that you are human (not
perfect) like the rest of us.
I still think that
if you have a loving partner, you should be able to let yourself go the
first time, to please yourself, and then just go for it again if you can. You'll last so much longer. And
a lot of it is mental. If you
think you can last long, most likely you will last longer. And throughout,
don't just think about the pleasure that you will get at the point of
climax, think about how it feels now, and only now, each minute of sex.
Pills and ointments seem a bit drastic. Why not just observe a
simple rule that has worked every time for me. Always make sure she comes
first (by whatever means), then it won't matter how things go with you.
That way you don't need to worry about premature ejaculation.
I have the same problem! My extremely premature ejaculation takes place
less than one minute after I enter my partner's vagina! Masturbating to the point of
ejaculation then stopping and going again a minute or two to calm down seems like a good
idea - I'd rather not use ointments or pills, it would make me feel more
incapable than I already feel!
I tried the squeeze technique, but it doesn't really work for me, I may last little longer but it's not long enough for my girlfriend to
orgasm, when she's really into it I have to tell her to hurry up and orgasm
before I do, but I want us to enjoy it longer. I'm really close to trying those pills
also! In the porno movies we watch they seem to go on forever, they must
be using pills?
Don't worry about how sex goes in the porno movies. Those guys are
picked because they can go a long time. Also, they have probably had
several orgasms that day, causing them to be slower. On top of that, they
have sex for their career, so they probably aren't nearly as likely to be
over-excited or nervous as you or I. Their
problem is more likely getting to orgasm and having an ejaculation, premature or otherwise!
It's not surprising to see that so many responses to a question about how
to control premature ejaculation suggest the use of
drugs to solve the problem. But what happens if you go off the drugs? Right
back where you started... Do you really want to rely on drugs the rest of
your life to enjoy sex? This route of instant gratification is not the
best one in my opinion. To each his own, however.
I had premature ejaculation most of my
life. But no longer! I learned to control it and this has
changed my life. The key to getting over it is retraining your mind so you
don't expect to ejaculate so soon after intercourse has begun.
Men get too excited when they anticipate their orgasm, which they expect
to have quickly due to the sexual responses they learn when masturbating (i.e.
come as quick as you can). You simply
need to train your brain and penis to last longer than you are used to or you
need to provide some negative reinforcements at the time you feel the urge
to ejaculate.
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